Why the Public School System Failed Me
To be fair it was public and private but that makes for a long title. Recently, I registered my daughter for Kindergarten and a whirl wind of unexpected emotions hit me. So I did what makes me feel best in their situations and I wrote it all down.
So, today I registered my oldest daughter for kindergarten, and thought it would be emotional because my baby girl is growing up. Instead, I felt a rush, or should I say dump truckload of emotions, about my own childhood school experience. It caught me off guard because my days of sitting in the principal’s office were far behind me. However, this morning sitting there in that chair, all my emotions and my rebellious attitude came flooding back. As a drove home I could feel my heart racing. It was so strange and was exactly how I imagine PTSD or a panic attack would fee. Not how I expected that to go.
Let’s take a step back. When I say rebellious it wasn't like "Oh f@ck the system," (well I guess at one point it was). It was the memories of the years of poor treatment from teachers, administration and those who were employed to “help” me succeed failing me. By fail, I mean epically failed me. Instead of supporting me and providing me the assistance I needed they labeled me as lazy, dumb and not trying hard enough. That could not have been further from the truth, but as they hammered those thoughts into me as a young child I started to conform, I acted out the only way I knew how: I started becoming the “bad” kid or the class clown. It was what they pushed me toward and as a child I had no idea how to stand up for myself.
I was not dumb or a bad kid, I was dyslexic. My brain did not learn the same way most of the class did and to top it off I was mildly hearing impaired, and that affected my auditory processing, a thing called CAD (central auditory processing disorder).
One of the worst feelings I had as a child (and still experience today) was knowing I was trying my hardest but STILL struggling. The reason I say administration failed me is because they did not recognize my will to succeed, they only embellished and amplified my faults and boxed me into a corner of “bad” instead of working with me to overcome my struggles.
Okay, to be fair I had a few good teachers here and there, but they were few and far between the bad.
I once had a teacher literally call me stupid and dump my desk on my lap, in front of my entire 6thgrade class, mind you. What child wouldn’t want to rebel after that? When my mom would report these things to administration they would always point it back at me. Well, she is acting out and hard to manage and often a disruption in class.
You guys, this was so far from the truth. I was an outgoing kid sure but no different from my peers but for some reason because I struggled academically it was like I had a huge target on my back. Teacher after teacher would blame me for any kind of class disruption, and it was always me not trying hard enough that gave me Fs on all my assignments and tests. Never the teacher's fault or another reason I might be struggling.
As a child I had no idea what to expect from authority, they shaped my opinions and now bias my thoughts. My experiences from elementary school on set me up to fail and rebel, but thank the lord above I decided they were all wrong.
I WAS smart and I WAS going to be someone or something when I grew up. I had no idea what that would be but they sure as shit had nothing to do with me succeeding. Fast forward about 25 years and I have done so much more than they set me up for! I went to college and then went to one of the top graduate schools in my field, landing job after job, and became an executive before turning 30. Now I'm #bosslady and mom to two beautiful girls.